Romance is Sick
by Sri Starlz
Summary: "Romance can make you feel sick. Especially people like me- I'm not a big fan of all the kissing and mushy stuff." "I just don't get what's so great about the whole love thing, ya know? Okay, so two people like each other. Cool. What I hate is when..." For The Gone Angel's September's monthly contest, Romance is Sick. R&R :D


**A/N: Hey, it's me. Sri. :D **

**So I know I haven't written much on here lately, and for those of you who seem to adore my work that must be disappointing... so here I am, with another contest entry. xD This is for The Gone Angel's September's monthly contest, Romance is Sick. The deadline was five days ago, but I hope you accept it, Gone. :3**

**Read on. Disclaimer: I don't own the 39 Clues.**

* * *

"That... is... so gross..."

Phoenix Wizard staggered away from the kitchen window, holding his stomach. He made for the refrigerator, hoping for a drink that would make him feel better.

At that moment, Amy entered the kitchen. Her eyes were red and puffy, but she asked in a watery voice, "What's wrong, Phoenix?"

Phoenix popped open the can of 7Up and took a long swig. Then he turned to Amy. "Look out there," he gasped, pointing to the window.

Amy crossed over and looked out cautiously. Her eyes widened and she retreated.

"Gross."

Phoenix offered her a can of 7Up. She took it and drank. When she'd finished, they looked at each other."

"Romance is sick."

* * *

Dan and Natalie slipped into the mini auditorium together, holding hands subtly. They took seats right in front of the stage and waited. The other clue hunters filed in soon too, except Amy and Phoenix.

When everyone was seated, the lights dimmed. A voice rang through the auditorium.

"You have all been assembled here today to listen to a carefully prepared speech by our very own... Phoenix Wizard!"

A few kids clapped and whistled. Amy continued, her voice growing more businesslike. "The purpose of this speech is to illustrate why romance is sick. The speaker was inspired when he saw two people present here kissing-"

Whispers broke out through the audience, and people turned to ask each other who. Titters and murmurs resounded. Two people shared a glance, reddened, and said nothing at all.

"Quiet, please. As I was saying, the speaker was inspired when he saw two people present here kissing, and felt disgusted by it. Now without further ado, I present to you Phoenix Wizard with his speech, Romance is Sick!"

Tentative applause echoed through the auditorium as Phoenix walked out onto the stage, a single spotlight shining on him.

"I'm Phoenix Wizard, and I'm here to talk to you all today because of an event that extremely disgusted me last week. I always thought romance was sick, and I want to tell you why I think that and give you a couple examples."

Jonah wolf-whistled. His cousin swallowed, ignored him, and went on.

"Romance makes people cry sometimes. A girl who helped me with this speech- I'm not naming any names, but you all know who I'm talking about- was crying not long before I witnessed the disgusting event previously mentioned, because her boyfriend had broken up with her. It was romance that made her cry... her love for him."

Phoenix saw Amy out of the corner of his eye. She appeared to be wiping fresh tears away. She hadn't known about this paragraph; he'd written it secretly. He hoped she wasn't mad at him for sharing all that.

"She isn't the only example of this- we've all seen TV shows of people crying because their crushes don't like them, read books about heartbreak, had friends who went through this kind of thing... it's pretty common. Love isn't always happy. In fact, here's a quote: 'They wouldn't call it a crush if it was supposed to feel good' from someone unknown."

Hamilton clapped softly. His sisters and the Starlings beamed encouragingly at Phoenix. Ian looked slightly bored, but then Ian was always bored. Phoenix took a deep breath and went on.

"Next, romance can make you feel sick. Especially people like me- I'm not a big fan of all the kissing and mushy stuff. I didn't think one of my best friends was, either, until I caught him kissing his 'arch enemy' last week." Phoenix made air quotes around the words 'arch enemy'.

The audience tittered again.

"I just don't get what's so great about the whole 'love' thing, ya know? Okay, so two people like each other. Cool. What I hate is when people are all, "Oh my god, he's here!" or "Look at her, man, she's so hot." Phoenix wolf-whistled, then shook his head. "Seriously. You all think it's just me being a kid, but I just don't see the point. So someone's really attractive- they COULD be a total jerky, racist idiot. You've gotta admit there's sense in what I'm saying. If one of you wants to come argue it out with me later, I'll be free."

"Then there's the _really_ mushy people, old poets like Shakespeare and stuff, who go on and on about how love's so awesome and all. I know more about this than you suppose- I had to read a bunch of old works by a bunch of old poets as part of a Janus course thing, although how exactly it's going to help me defend myself I don't know. I've never been in love before, if all they say is true, but it just creates unnecessary complications, say others. I don't know; all I know is I never want to be part of that whole mess of feelings when I grow up."

Jonah laughed out loud, applauding. Hamilton echoed him.

"I know I'm a Janus," Phoenix continued, "but please, we're not about romance. We're about seeing and helping others see the beauty of life. As far as I'm concerned, romance has got absolutely nothing to do with it. Music is wonderful to listen to; it's part of us. Art is wonderful to see; it's part of us. Love is wonderful to- what? Feel? Pfft, it isn't a showcase-able talent, and it doesn't make everyone happy. Therefore, it doesn't count."

"To conclude, may I state that romance is absolutely _sick_ for all the reasons I've talked about- it can make people unhappy, it's un-understandably mushy, it's pointless, and it isn't even a Janus thing. If you wish to question anything I've mentioned, or want me to explain further, please approach me, Phoenix Wizard, in about ten minutes. I hope you enjoyed the speech, and thank you for listening."

Thunderous applause echoed through the auditorium as the lights came back on. Phoenix reddened and bowed when Amy's voice rang, "Ladies and gentlemen, could we have some applause for that wonderful speech by our very own Phoenix Wizard!"

Then the boy stumbled off stage, smiling awkwardly.

* * *

Dan and Natalie got up, both very red in the face, and made their way to the door quickly and quietly. But as Dan reached for the door, a small figure darted in front of him, effectively blocking his way.

"So, Dan, how did you like that?" Phoenix Wizard asked, smirking, arms crossed over his chest. "The whole thing was inspired by you two, ya know." He pointed to Dan and Natalie.

The Kabra girl glared at him. "Have you developed a grudge, Wizard? Jealous, perhaps?"

"Me, jealous?" Phoenix snickered. "Did you not just understand everything I said up there about how romance is _sick_?"

"Look, Phoenix, I don't know what this is about, but just leave us alone for now. I'll talk to you tomorrow. You sound slightly insane right now," Dan said, stepping forward and laying his hand on Phoenix's shoulder.

Phoenix shrugged him off and grinned. "_I _sound insane? I thought people who were in love were supposed to be insane... Isn't that why they call it 'madly in love'?"

Just then, Amy appeared near them. "Phoenix, Jonah wants to talk to you... Said he wants to congratulate you on the awesome speech."

"You got your wish, Dan. I'll talk to you tomorrow." Phoenix saluted his cousin mockingly and ran off in front of Amy.

Dan shook his head, confused. Then he shrugged and walked out the door, Natalie folowing him.

* * *

**YES, I AM DONE. **

**You don't know how long I worked on this piece... about two weeks, on and off. Thank me. My fingers are practically numb from typing. XO**

**I know the speech was weird... But c'mon, Phoenix is a KID. He can't write pro. I made it that way on purpose. :P And I was dehydrated or something when I wrote the ending, and now I'm too lazy to change it, sorry xD**

**I hoped you lurved it. You must review, 'kay? Bai! :D**

**~Sri**


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